Monday, July 16, 2007

Sorry for the lack of updates. Too many on-goings lately. My dad's recent hospitalization, his inconvenience at home, my maternal grandpa's demise, my poor health, so on and so forth. All happened one after another. Sigh.

Work is always on my mind - I worry about some stuff, worry about the not-so-smooth parts of work and think about how I will deal with them when I'm back at work. And finally with all the stuff that happened recently, I think LESS about work.

Most of us complain about how unexciting life gets, how mundane, how... 'normal', life gets. How about when life suddenly presents loads and loads of problems to 'challenge' you?

Which is what I encountered, and I thought to myself, am I getting it since I've constantly lamented about how boring my life is? My life did 'change' a little, because of all these, my life became totally ABNORMAL and CHALLENGING. Handling my Dad, handling the breakdown of emotions at the funeral... and facing my own lousy health.

And what irony, when I faced all these, I actually hoped that my life was boring and normal, with no trouble..., just, simple, no-nonsense. I rather it be boring. You get what I mean. Or you might say that I made this statement because I was given all the wrong kind of challenges - all the pessimistic stuff. Well, probably. Maybe, if God gave me a a fantastic, challenging job to worry about, or a ridiculous windfall, or something, I will not miss the 'normal' life.

Humans. And then I thought to myself, Maybe even if life presents all the goodies to me, that still would be other problems. Maybe even if I'm given the windfall I will be sighing over WHAT to do with it.

Let's just face it, life will never be short of problems. And for a character like mine (excessive worrier, pessimistic), I can have a problem out of no problem. Now, that's a problem. But the problem with me is, it's really MY problem, but I tend to upset people around me when I'm having a problem, making it seem like their problem, too. (Over-usage of 'problem' here, my apologies).

Now let me write about something else.


Long awaited carrot cake from Room For Dessert (said to be makers of the best carrot cake in SG). Lived up to it's name, not too sweet, delicious, moist cake generously loaded with walnuts and plump raisins. Seriously one of the best carrot cakes I've tasted! Thumbs up! Even more delicious because it is a surprise for our one-year!

That's right, me and ZQ celebrated our one year together on Sunday.

Nothing beats snuggling in bed with some DVDs.

Nope, I just typed that because it's the usual scenario and my fingers magically typed the alphabets in that sequence! For us, the scenario was - me lazing and watching the missed episodes of Fann Wong's 'Switched' on YouTube, and him cracking his brains for his assignment.

Nevertheless, I still enjoyed it. We did nothing fancy at all, no posh restaurants, no extravagant plans, just a walk and packed dinner from the market, had a quick stroll while waiting for his parent's takaways.

What matters was the loads of heart to heart talk and I believe I was happy, purely because of this simple thing. It is something to celebrate, yes, the simplicity of just being together quietly, because the past months have not been easy and such simple loving is just what I need. I've had so much on my shoulders and now, having a shoulder to lie on just sets everything right...

Before this successful relationship with ZQ, close friends will know all the nonsense I went through, mostly, self-inflicted injury. Well, I know it is pointless to rant about all these now, but I still think back now and then, not to create self-pity, but to REMIND myself never, ever to repeat the same mistakes.

And at a certain point then, I realised (and will remember for the rest of my life), that a relationship is not a play-thing. Now, I won't let anyone down, and definitely won't allow anyone to fool me as well. I CAN choose not to be a victim of such a kind of relationship unhappiness. Why go clubbing and think the men there are "the one"s that I'm looking for? That is plain dumb and DUMB. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, SHAME ON ME! But how could I be fooled a dozen times and still continue living in denial? WHAT A REAL SHAME! BAH! But it is great to wake up eventually and wake up FOREVER.

And BTW, LKY, GO TO HELL!!!!!!! Crikes. One should let go of all hatred. I will try, give me time. I don't think I can forgive him anytime soon.

I am really thankful to myself and to all that care for me, that I am out of the dark patch and happily attached to a ZQ now, someone who is truely concerned for my well-being.

We never know what happens tomorrow, but I know that I love and cherish ZQ and I really want a future with him. I can't believe that we're been together for a year just like this, but, it really did happen! He was never even close to being on my list when I first knew him, until strangely, our attraction developed gradually. And I will always think back - how we fell in love. It is a sweet thing to remember and the best romantic thought to greedily indulge in.

Our lives are arranged in the most peculiar way!


I need to find a husband for the one with the kid! Playing with my dolls to compose myself after a hard day. I love the tiny baby... can't stop playing with it!


Krissy with her bottle =)

Going back to work tomorrow, have loads to do, and I'm a face the challenges with loads of motivation (I hope the motivation lasts).

Have fun with your work, too.