Saturday, June 23, 2007

Just another evening outside my office building, 6ish.

When I say I'll post pictures randomly, it's really so random. All not linked, but shots worthy of (my) snapping.


Wedding car, couples having a photoshoot around the area, against the old skool background.


You Kee duck rice at Bugis, delicious with the herbal soup. If you don'tk now what to eat at Bugis eat this.

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Yet another (sinful) birthday celebration at Citimex, for Desmond and Christine.


His green tea frap and my azuki bean blend (a tad too sweet).

He wanted to have me try the new red bean blend at Starbucks knowing my huge obsession with red bean foods.


Kitkat 'Choc Overload' seen at the Candy Empire.

I reckon you might be sick of me typing all the 'my life sucks' and 'let me die' issues. So I will stop that (For a LONGER time, I hope).

Some recent on-goings:

Work - Quite bad with all the hopelessly shitty customers
Dad - Stagnant condition
Home - Endless chores
Looks - Down the drain (to be elaborated later)
$$$ prospects - SQ interview on 15 July

WTF right? Me, who has sort of condemned being an SIA cabin crew since my teenage years, me who has brushed off Aunt G countless times to join...

Is now considering being a SQ girl. Never be surprised as to how things can change.

Well, things change, don't they? The "I love you"s can always 'integrate' to "I detest you". Never, never underestimate how time can change things. Okay, let's not digress.

Everyday I wake up, I think about ZQ, then about the shitty things at work, at home, and I think of the SQ walk-in on 15th. On somedays it is 50-50 to go ahead, and others, 40-60 (40 to yes).

Before I forget, the reason for even considering to be one is FOR THE MONEY. I'm in a shitty position now and having good money solves a big big part. Let's face it. In Singapore, having no money = dire straits, desperation, depression. In Singapore, having no money when you need alot to solve shitty problems = better off dead.

ZQ says the cabin crew life doesn't suit me, because of my emotional self. I agree totally.

Many others are telling me to go for the interview and I will only have to decide whether I want to be one when I'm accepted. No point thinking now because I haven't even gone for the interview. Just go, and if I get in, I'll take it from there.

To hell with what other people, what anybody says, you might be wondering, what about how I FEEL??

FUCK, the prob is I don't know. How sad. I can't even make my own decisions. But you know, these things happen (happens a HELL lot to me), and we get stuck sometimes. I don't know why I can listen so much to what people think then I don't know how the fuck to choose in the end.

Problem is, how can I go for an interview, when I've only half a bucket full of decision and confidence? I can't walk in and tell the interviewer, 'actually I don't know if I want to be a cabin crew, I will decide if let's say you accept me'.

Imagine how the interveiwers will react. They'd probably tell me that its a waste of time to interview me, when there are tonnes of girls out BETTER QUALIFIED girls out there seriously 200% dying to be a cabin crew and their decision is YES, YES, YES.

As opposed to my, NOT SURE.

SIGH.

Oh fuck (inner voice speaking). Stop sighing will ya?

Let's see how keen I am by 10th July. If it exceeds 70% I'll go prepare the application documents.

The SQ thing aside.

I sort of dread looking into the mirror these weeks because I look terrible. My hair is unkempt, my complexion seriously dull and problematic and my body and posture - totally ugly. It is the extend whereby I would usually go e.g. "Oh no, my skin sucks and I had better do something about it" but instead of reacting that way I look into the mirror and FROWN further and I do NOTHING about it.

I took a day off work yesterday to settle some of my Dad's stuff at the hospital. Don't know what to say about his issue, it is still unsolved, really, and I must admit that I am afraid to face it. But I still have to. He's not an outsider, he's my dad. I thought shit happens only in TV dramas but they really do happen. Brace up, Yvonne.

Now as I am typing I also start to realise (not that I don't know I am but I am reminding myself) that I am a young lady.

Young - I should really stop sighing my days away. Youth slips away and can NEVER be recovered. What is wrong with me? I know this fact theoretically but I am not practising it. I am not spending the days of my life correctly and it is a sin, a huge one; for so many others, as I've said before, are far worst than me.

Lady? I am a lady. How can I keep looking so disheveled? Well, maybe 'disheveled' is too strong a word but the looks department has been getting little credit lately. I think it is a basic thing to at least look fresh and presentable to the outside world.

And for someone working in the frontline like me, that is so important. I've received not-so-nice comments about my frowny face, the oversized bags beneath my eyes and the sloppy dressing (I know sometimes we shouldn't be too bothered about what others think, but sorry to say I score zero marks in self-esteem; am really someone who IS bothered by comments).

I think, at the very least, I should try to dress nicely. I miss those days when I really dolled myself up. Its not like I'm so much older now am I? I don't want to only wake up and dress outragously at age 40 or something...

Brace up, Yvonne!

- Sunday -

Feeling so much more refreshed after a run in the sun. With all the negative things weighing me down these few weeks, I've been running only once a week and I should really buck up. Speaking of running, Zann, Shireen and I signed up for the Shape Run 2007 yesterday. Well at least I'll have some pals with me for this. It'll encourage them to keep fit too. I love marathons; I never knew marathons were much fun until I really took part last year. I've been running for some years and it's such a big regret not to have been involved in all the colorful marathons held each year. It's really a motivating sight, during such events. Everyone's in jogging gear and moving forward, with enthusiasm and drive! Its even better to have some friends around. Sport events encourage bonding and the best part, help shed some pounds. Anyone for the year end standard chartered event?

After my run I fixed brunch - toasted ham and cheese sandwich with lots of lettuce and tomatoes, and a glass of milk. Could be even better if I was having it at some porch with a see view.

I am thinking too much.

What a sunny Sunday. The sun is blazing non-stop. When I was a kid, I used to regard Sunday as a day that'll always be sunny. If then, you passed me a piece of paper and told me to draw a 'Sunday', I'd probably draw a happy family hanging out near their fenced home (remember how every home we drew had fences and flowers) and above them would be a huge smiley tai yang gong gong.

Hence today, with the super hot sun, is a CLASSIC Sunday to me =)


Dream Spa Wisdom set from Pay, Juan & Amelia, one of the wonderful Birthday gifts I received this year. I wouldn't bear to part with my money for the set... Thanks girls! Gives me the perfect excuse to have a long bath.

Before I slept last night, I made mental notes of how I want to spend my Sunday. Exercise? Check. Brunch? Check. I also want to do a extremely pampering home spa, complete with aromatheraphy and lots of sensuality. Okay that sounds so wrong, no dirty thoughts okay? I mean I want to really let my mind relax and let my thought flow. What is wrong with me? Used to do these spas AT LEAST once a week and now I'm lazy and listless about everything. Let's hope the old Yvonne comes back. Spa aside, I need to: Practise piano. Clean up my room abit. Do some work stuff. Pack my bag and prep my clothes for work on Monday. That should wrap up the Sunday.

But something is missing. Yes... I feel like meeting my guy for dinner later, kinda miss him though we've met up yesterday. I'm crazy, I was clinging to him yesterday and obviously delighted that he came to pick me up after work, though I had initially refused for him to take the trouble. Shall call him and check if he's available later for this cranky girlfriend =) Time flies, doesn't it? We're almost into our first year, just like Shanice and William have already passed their 1st year (they're exactly a month ahead of us).

Haven't seen William in ages, and no Shanice, I'm no longer have any grudges of what happened then. Let's hope we slot in a day to meet despite all our busy schedules.

Busy schedules... things have REALLY changed. everyone's no longer as 'active' as during the school days, and now, life is mostly about working. We may wonder why our parents have so little friends and I now realise why. Life sometimes disallows you the time to maintain close relationships with friends... everyone has their busy lives!

But I'll try, try to keep all my good friends till the dayI leave this world... all my pri, sec, poly, and fabulous friends I've known throughout my working years.

毕竟，没有了亲人与好友门，人生也显得没什么意义了。

We need all these relationships to really be happy when we live our years . My loved ones and friends, I love you all!