Friday, October 12, 2007

***CAUTION - LOTS OF HARSH WORDS. ACTUALLY, JUST 'FUCK'***



I read Ms J's blog and she is like so emo, just like me. But I think we are emo in different different ways.

Can't believe all these ex-bf shit are happening to me. It frankly is quite challenging for the heart and soul.

Some may say it's part and parcel of life but some may totally agree that it all happened because I made it this way. Maybe?

I'm the one at fault and I chose to dig out all the shit and get all emo and uncontrollable and all that crap. Yea so? That is me.

Frankly I think ZQ thinks so too la. Can't blame him for thinking that way because maybe, it seems so much that way.

Even so, it is my problem. BTW, I'm thinking, she'll NEVER NEVER understand the relationship between me and Andy. Just like I won't understand what Andy and her are sharing now.

BTW, DOES ANDY COOK INSTANT NOODLES WITH LUNCHEON MEAT FOR YOU AT 2AM?

Sorry but just checking. Anyway, not good to eat all these processed food at TWO AM somemore. Sure die early. If he ain't cooking that for you you can also go celebrate. I know maybe he cooks other shit for you? GOOD FOR YOU THEN.

I'd rather be jogging with ZQ.

Ms J has a wonderful bf (Really, but maybe, minus the game playing part - But fuck, most guys are like that. Just like girls. Need pampering facials, pedicures, shopping... and what have you!) But like me she often thinks the bf is STILL LACKING. MAYBE MS J AND I ARE THE SAME FUCKING BREED!!!!!






Back to the main topic. I've even told ZQ before that he'll never understand my relationship with Andy.

I admit I am not some ANGEL who is so clear of what's right and what's wrong and does ALL the sensitive things to avoid getting her bf hurt or whatever crap shit; the kinda girl who is so ANGELIC, so able to push aside the past and WOW, start afresh TOTALLY.

God created the eyes and ears thingy, and God created ALL SORTS OF CHARACTERS.

So maybe I should stop bitching and accept you.

But I still don't like you.

It's normal I guess, that not many ex-gf's like current gf's.

But it is still normal that I will NEVER want my ex-bf back.

I am just the sort who goes with emotions. I think ZQ must accept me if he wishes to be with me?

He did accept me. After all the shit HE went through. He did. And I know it and I'm trying to appreciate it more. Funny, I am so shitty to him and he still accepts me.

Back to the part about the memories. I WILL TELL ANYONE TO FUCK OFF WHEN THEY JUDGE OR TELL ME NASTY SHIT.

If you are so good go be a counselor?

And (this sounds FUCKING childish but I do not know how else to convey this part) I only want my ZQ now and I don't want Andy back.

But no one can stop me if I REMEMBER THE PAST. As long as I have my brain I think the memories will always be there?

FUCK YOU, UNLESS YOU ARE LIKE A ROBOT AND YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS LIKE, TOTALLY.

ENUFF OF MISS J! SO FUCKIN' WRONG AND BITCHY JUST TO POST THIS.

Took AM leave today because I overslept! What a sinful decision. Popped by Granny's and we started to discuss about this relationship shit. And at some point of the conversation Granny told me (again) to destroy all of the photos of me and Andy (she told me since day one). As usual I told her, 'yupz, I will'.

SO WRONG.

Much as I comment about how 'wrong' people around me are, maybe I am the one who is the most wrong.

Whatever it is.......................... well.... I don't know what else to type now. Check back later k?