Sunday, October 28, 2007

Dad always irritates the shit out of me.
So fucking free pissing everyone off.
In the recent months I am getting angry at so many things and the kind of anger is no longer like in the past. Now, it really affects me - I can feel my heart racing, my body flushes, my head hurts, blood rushes through my veins rapidly. And I just get the immense urge to scream. Really, scream out loud.

I guess every human has his limit. I seriously hope I don't die of a stroke during one of those anger outburst. I am not old but we all've heard that stroke CAN affect anyone.

Though people will say all those bullshit of how I should 'control my anger', or, 'look on the bright side'. Fuck. Advice to me is merely bull sometimes. One or two times in your WHOLE life maybe you can take the advice.

But what if it's a prolonged thing? Like, forever, all the wrong people and wrong things happening to you?

Accept it? Go jump off a building? Dying is not a solution I know, but I must admit I DID think about it throughout the years.

It is not a cowardly decision, how do I put it, you just think of it when things get very bad or when you are very very very upset. The sucidal thought is a powerful one.

Is it that things make me furious. Or is it because I take them too hard. This is something hard to judge.



That's why, I need to do things like this. Having tea again @ Novena. My sweets came to send me home atfer that. Just sort of completes the day.


But did I mention, my Dad pissed me off AFTER I REACHED HOME TODAY (I had that tea earlier today).

Think I need some more tea later.